Officially Dead

2 1/2 hour practice ... I'm officially dead😶
— Jamie (@JamieCorrea26) April 16, 2015

 Brother Maynard, I'll let you handle this.

Taken

Well, guess I'm officially taken now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— Angela (@angela_vw) April 16, 2015

I saw previews for a documentary about this in which a girl is taken by sex slavers and a former government operative must rescue his daughter before she's sold. It seemed dark and gritty and not the kind of thing that would lead someone to use the  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ symbol in a tweet.

Also, I feel like if you were abducted, you wouldn't need to make it official on twitter. Then again, it might help expedite the police search and rescue efforts.

Or, and this is a possibility, Angela here is taken in the relationship sense and is off the market, so to speak, in which case all the single guys hoping to date her appreciate her making it official.

Banned from all P&O ferries

I'm officially banned from all P&O ferries. For pointing out that the live entertainment had started. All I shouted was "A band on ship"
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) April 22, 2015

That's a long way to go for a not terrible joke. Not great, mind you, but certainly not as bad as some I've made. 

Mostly I point this out to say that we're not the only one making bad jokes on the internet, so we appreciate you spending part of your day with us with so many other poor humor options available to you.

Two things

Now that the cat's out of the bag.. Yes, I'm officially transferring & moving out of Chattanooga. 👏🙌
— Adrienneeeee (@withlove_316) April 24, 2015

These are two very different things. First off, good luck wherever you're transferring to and at your new abode somewhere other than Chattanooga (which is considered by many to be the third most famous city in Tennessee.)

More importantly, why were you keeping a cat in a bag and only now letting it out. That seems unnecessarily cruel. I mean, I'm glad the cat is out and presumably safe, but if cats had therapists this cat would need a lot of mental help. 

Disbanded an engineering project team

my engineering project team was so bad our teacher officially disbanded us I'm laughing
— Frat Cat (@pbjmeow) April 16, 2015

I hope Frat Cat and his team continue to meet on an unofficial basis. Who is this teacher that thinks he or she can simply disband a group of students? Fight the power Frat Cat. 

Also, I hope you got placed on a better team and you did well in the class.

Going to Syracuse

its officially official :p I'm going to Syracuse this fall :D
— Jacqui Amanda (@o0hjacqui) April 16, 2015

Is word getting out about this blog and now people are making things "officially official" in hopes of getting featured on a blog with really poor traffic? If so, good new Jacqui, as your plan worked. Though why you would wait until the fall to visit Syracuse, Sicily, which we all know was described by Cicero as "the greatest Greek city and the most beautiful of them all."

Officially an adult

I'm officially an adult, had blood drawn for the first time today guys
— Nicole Shaw⚓️ (@NicoleHaley13) April 16, 2015

There seem like a lot of things that people use to make themselves officially an adult. Having blood drawn doesn't seem like the milestone to mark adulthood though. Your first place on your own or graduation from high school, those seem like markers for adulthood.

Nevertheless, Nicole is now officially an adult. No one let her know that it's much more fun being a kid.