Officially Dead

2 1/2 hour practice ... I'm officially dead😶
— Jamie (@JamieCorrea26) April 16, 2015

 Brother Maynard, I'll let you handle this.

Taken

Well, guess I'm officially taken now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— Angela (@angela_vw) April 16, 2015

I saw previews for a documentary about this in which a girl is taken by sex slavers and a former government operative must rescue his daughter before she's sold. It seemed dark and gritty and not the kind of thing that would lead someone to use the  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ symbol in a tweet.

Also, I feel like if you were abducted, you wouldn't need to make it official on twitter. Then again, it might help expedite the police search and rescue efforts.

Or, and this is a possibility, Angela here is taken in the relationship sense and is off the market, so to speak, in which case all the single guys hoping to date her appreciate her making it official.

Banned from all P&O ferries

I'm officially banned from all P&O ferries. For pointing out that the live entertainment had started. All I shouted was "A band on ship"
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) April 22, 2015

That's a long way to go for a not terrible joke. Not great, mind you, but certainly not as bad as some I've made. 

Mostly I point this out to say that we're not the only one making bad jokes on the internet, so we appreciate you spending part of your day with us with so many other poor humor options available to you.

Two things

Now that the cat's out of the bag.. Yes, I'm officially transferring & moving out of Chattanooga. 👏🙌
— Adrienneeeee (@withlove_316) April 24, 2015

These are two very different things. First off, good luck wherever you're transferring to and at your new abode somewhere other than Chattanooga (which is considered by many to be the third most famous city in Tennessee.)

More importantly, why were you keeping a cat in a bag and only now letting it out. That seems unnecessarily cruel. I mean, I'm glad the cat is out and presumably safe, but if cats had therapists this cat would need a lot of mental help. 

Disbanded an engineering project team

my engineering project team was so bad our teacher officially disbanded us I'm laughing
— Frat Cat (@pbjmeow) April 16, 2015

I hope Frat Cat and his team continue to meet on an unofficial basis. Who is this teacher that thinks he or she can simply disband a group of students? Fight the power Frat Cat. 

Also, I hope you got placed on a better team and you did well in the class.

Going to Syracuse

its officially official :p I'm going to Syracuse this fall :D
— Jacqui Amanda (@o0hjacqui) April 16, 2015

Is word getting out about this blog and now people are making things "officially official" in hopes of getting featured on a blog with really poor traffic? If so, good new Jacqui, as your plan worked. Though why you would wait until the fall to visit Syracuse, Sicily, which we all know was described by Cicero as "the greatest Greek city and the most beautiful of them all."

Officially an adult

I'm officially an adult, had blood drawn for the first time today guys
— Nicole Shaw⚓️ (@NicoleHaley13) April 16, 2015

There seem like a lot of things that people use to make themselves officially an adult. Having blood drawn doesn't seem like the milestone to mark adulthood though. Your first place on your own or graduation from high school, those seem like markers for adulthood.

Nevertheless, Nicole is now officially an adult. No one let her know that it's much more fun being a kid.

Officially a Bull

I'm officially a Bull 💚🐂💚 #USF19
— Victoria Pisani (@vpisani35) April 8, 2015

If you didn't know USF was the University of South Florida and their mascot was the Bulls, this tweet would make no sense. Now that you do know that, the fact that a woman is claiming to be an animal that is, by definition, male means this tweet still makes no sense.

All that said, good luck Victoria at USF.

Officially Awake

Okay hi yeah I'm officially awake
— kayla (@xlegithayesx) April 10, 2015

We all are, Kayla, we just don't make it official.

Can you be unofficially awake? We here at the Official Official blog feel that awake is one of those things where you are or you aren't. There's no middle ground. There's no official certification needed.

All that said, we're ready to go back to bed and be officially asleep.

Gotten my life together

I'm actually wearing matching socks today...so I think it's safe to say I've officially gotten my life together 💁
— Lauren Leep (@Lauren_Leep) April 10, 2015

 Looks down at my feet.

*sigh*

Maybe tomorrow is the day I officially get my life together. I feel like my life is pretty well together, but I've never made it official. Maybe someday.

Officially Corey

I'm officially "Corey". Starbucks has given up.
— Orey Wilson (@OreyOreyOrey) April 10, 2015

Come on Starbucks, get it together. A person's name has meaning to them. Continuing to get it wrong simply shows you don't value the person enough to address them correctly. If this was once, or maybe even twice, I'm betting Orey here would be ok with it. Mistakes happen and judging him completely by this one tweet, Orey here seems like a decent person. But Starbucks' continual disrespect of Orey and Orey's name is enough. I'm boycotting Starbucks until they start getting Orey's name correct.

Full disclosure: I don't drink coffee and I've never ordered anything at a Starbucks.

Not meeting Shawn

So I'm officially not meeting Shawn......
— gabriella (@camftdrake) April 10, 2015

Shawn who?  Shawn Michaels the wrestler. Shawn Johnson, the gymnast? Shawn Ray, the bodybuilder? Shawn Stockman, the Boyz II Men singer? Shawn Spencer, the fictional psychic detective from the beloved television series Psych played by James Roday?

Come on Gabriella, we need to know.

Officially my dad

I'm officially my dad, I fell asleep in the movies.
— Kandee Johnson (@kandeejohnson) April 6, 2015

Big deal. Ray Stevens is his own grandpa. 

On the other end of the spectrum, Kandee might be my kid in that my son also falls asleep at the movies. Or, and not knowing what was seen, maybe it was just a boring movie and sleep was the appropriate response. Just because it's a movie doesn't mean it deserves your attention. I'm here to say that sleeping through a movie is not necessarily a bad thing.

Officially Sick

I'm officially sick!😔
— Bsia⚓ (@bsia_cakes) April 10, 2015

This one I get. Doctors notes for missing school and work make being sick something to be made official. That said, how little trust do we have as a society that we need a doctor's note excusing us from school or work. Fortunately I've never worked at a place that required such documentation, but have read of others who needed a note from a medical professional to miss work. If you don't trust your employees enough to stay home when they're sick, you either need better employees or, more likely, to look at yourself and figure out why you have trust issues. I'd much rather someone stay home when they're not feeling well then come to work sick and get everyone else ill. Even if it's not enough to warrant a visit to the doctor, stay home and keep your germs away from me.

Anyway, hope you're feeling better Bsia. 

Wedding Dress

I want to make an official announcement. I just bought my wedding dress and it's so 😍😍😍
— Juvia ❤ (@ladyy_Virgo) April 1, 2015

We're excited for Juvia. Weddings are happy occasions, not times to bicker and argue about who killed who. (If you didn't get that joke, please go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.).

That said, we're fairly sure an announcement that wasn't official would have sufficed here. In fact, we don't even know the difference between an announcement and an official announcement. Does one come with a ceremony and perhaps a reception afterwards with an open bar? If so, we're in favor of official announcements. If not, we'll settle for just regular, plain announcements.

Avoided Teen Pregnancy

I'm 20 today, which means I've officially avoided teen pregnancy! #success
— Gabriela Koski (@gabiekoski) April 1, 2015

This made us laugh. Congrats, I guess, to Gabriela and thanks for making it official. 

So Bored

I'm officially so bored
— beth (@quiffcrew) April 1, 2015

We covered this back in March, but it needs repeating. If you're on the internet and you're bored, that's a lack of imagination or curiosity on your part. There is nearly endless information on any topic you can think of. There are games to play. You can order food and have it delivered to your home if you're one of those people who eat when they're bored.

Being that you're bored and on Twitter, might I suggest finding more interesting people to follow (for the record, we're not those people as we're not that interesting.)

Performance Major

It's officially official. I'm going to be a performance major at UH! I'm so excited and blessed to be able to do what I love. #UH19 #GoCoogs
— Zach (@zachattack210) March 25, 2015

We like Zach here. Not only is it official. It's officially official. In fact, we're making Zach the Official performance artist of The Official "Official" blog. Good luck Zach.

Running a Marathon

I have officially signed up for a marathon. I am literally only running it because I want to run 26.2 miles when I'm 26.2 years old. 💁
— Ashly Perez (@itsashlyperez) March 28, 2015

We like to poke fun at people making everyday events official when there's no need  to do so, but this is kind of cool. Good luck Ashly. And we wish you luck as well when you sign up for a 50-mile ultra marathon for your 50th birthday.

I'm Old

It's official I'm old😭
— Dawin Vega (@Dawin305) March 24, 2015

Not old enough to use punctuation marks apparently. Look, I've been known to skip out on a period here and there on twitter to fit in under the 140 character limit, but Dawin here used 22 characters. There's 118 left, more than enough for a period or comma.

Come back when you're complaining about kids' punctuation usage, Dawin, then you can officially claim to be old.

Meet the New Boss

Aaaaaand it's official. My old boss is my new boss, we're getting another person to help spread the workload, everything is awesome. :D
— Gumball Crash (@GumballCrash) March 24, 2015

Someone is actually living The Who song Won't Get Fooled Again." That's an impressive accomplishment.

And if that wasn't enough of an earworm, Gumball Crash got the "Everything is Awesome" song from the Lego Movie stuck in my head. I'll let those two compete for space inside your brain.

Senior Skip Day

SENIOR SKIP DAY FRIDAY. IT'S OFFICIAL.
— Aquaberry Pimp (@DGary_3) March 24, 2015

Oh, the bingo parlors will be empty. Community centers will not be the centers of communities. Park benches will remain unsat upon. The senior citizens will be skipping their normal activities.

Or, assuming this is for high school, who exactly made it official. I'm not sure the local school board would be reelected if they sanction skipping school and I don't think the students have the authority to declare it so.

Finally, I hope Aquaberry Pimp had fun on skip day, and I really just wrote that because never in my life did I think I'd get to publish a sentence using the words "Aquaberry Pimp."