Officially Old

I think I am officially an old now. I just texted my 14yo sister and asked her to explain a particular meme to me.
— Cristin Terrill (@cristinterrill) February 22, 2015

Psssst... Cristin. Should you ever come across this blog a couple quick hints to help you from having to do things that make you feel old. In fact, doing these could actually make you seem cool among your, apparently elderly, friends.


1. google.com It's a fantastic website. You just type in what you want to know and it provides all kinds of links to help you discover it.

2. If that's too complicated, knowyourmeme.com/ is a repository of all things internet memes to you. 

These will make your life easier.

That being said, being old isn't a bad thing. It beats the alternative.

Switching Majors

I think I've officially switched my major from nursing to binge watching friends and having existential crises
— Tyler Eads (@T_Eads) February 22, 2015

What kind of college offers this? I mean, I'm sure there may be a film school somewhere that may look at how Friends was structured and the changes in character development of the six New Yorkers over the decade the show was on the air. But to be able to major in that?

Nevertheless, we here at the Official Official Blog wish Tyler the best on his new academic goals. College should be about getting an education, not simply preparing oneself to be another cog in the machine of the economy. So if Tyler wants to take a deep dive in to Friends and Having Existential Crises during his time at school, rather than mock, we wish him well.

Pizza

I am officially married to pizza.
— sarah loves harry ♡ (@irwielaughter) February 21, 2015

Bad news potential suitors. She's decided to marry pizza.

Also, did I miss a decision where the Supreme Court made it legal to marry a Supreme Pizza?

Sorry, I'll show myself out.

Empire

Okay guys!! I'm officially caught up on #Empire & I'm addicted!

— IG=ToshaMakia (@TOSHAMAKIA) February 20, 2015

Empire, for those not acquianted with it, is drama on FOX about a music mogul who is diagnosed with a terminal disease and the family members who are fighting for control of the company. (In unrelated news, you're now unofficially caught up on Empire.) I actually haven't watched the show, but listened to a podcast about it but from the sounds of it, it has a soapy, Beverly Hills 90210 quality to it that could make it fun if you're in to that kind of show.

Unlike the old days (days my son will never truly understand), if you missed an episode of a show, you had to hope the "previously on Empire" clips before a new episode would be enough to catch you up until the network reran the episode. Now, with everything on demand, typically the next day, it's easy to be caught up and not really something that needs to be commemorated with an official declaration. Nevertheless, he we are, making things official.

Grandma has worms

I just chased my grandma down holding a huge worm and she actually ended up crying and now I'm officially the worst person in the world

— kaytee (@MacKaytee_) February 20, 2015

On Keith Olbermann's old MSNBC show, he would nightly countdown the worst person in the world. Typically it was a politician doing something either so egregious as to offend the consciousness of Olbermann or something so hypocritical that calling them out was was necessary. Not once do I recall him ever naming someone who chased down his or her grandmother with a worm and making her cry.

Perhaps he should have. While the image of someone chasing down their grandmother with a worm is kind of funny, if it's going to make her cry, it is kind of cruel. And while it doesn't rise to level of Boko Haram or ISIS for being the worst person in the world, it's not going on the positive side of the ledger of things this person has done.

Nothing to wear

What: I've officially run out of outfits to wear to school isn't this tragic
Source: Twitter
Date: August 27, 2014

So my son's school started incredibly early, like August 1st early. And yet, despite the fact my kid has been in school for nearly a month at this point, he's not out of outfits to wear yet. It's not because we're fabulously wealthy and have 180 different outfits, one for each school day. No, it's because we do laundry. It's not all that hard. Time consuming and annoying to do, yes, but not difficult. You should try it.

But even beyond that, to call such a thing tragic is ludicrous. Tragedy is just comedy minus time.* There's nothing comedic about running out of outfits. I mean, I guess if you showed up to school in nothing but your underwear like that dream everyone says they have but no one actually has ever had, that might be comedic. But standing in front of your closet and not likeing what you have is not tragic and there's no amount of time that can be added to that situation to ever make it funny.

*If Comedy = Tragedy + Time then, if my math is correct, Comedy - Time = Tragedy.

I'm Done

What: I’m officially done trying. If you want me in your life, you can come find me. Until then, continue treating me like I don’t exist.
Source: Twitter
Date: August 26, 2014

First off, no you're not. If you were officially done trying, you wouldn't go through the process of formalizing it. You'd just stop trying. You're like the guy in Monty Python and the Holy Grail wondering why the person carved "arrrgh" into the rock if he died while carving it. He wouldn't carve it, he would just say "arrrgh" and then die.* In this case, you're not done trying you're just looking for attention.

*"Perhaps he was dictating it" is the next line and even though I've seen it easily 50 times, I still laugh when he says it.

Secondly, you left no way of finding you. No name. No email or facebook address. Nothing. Kind of hard to come find you when you don't leave a forwarding address. That said, since I have no idea who this person is and didn't know he or she existed until about 10 minutes ago, I think I probably will go on treating him like he doesn't exist. I can see where you think this is mean, but in my defense, he doesn't know I exist either.