Pizza

So it's official, I've had pizza three days in a row. I'm not sure if this is a new low or a new high..
— Joe Santagato (@JoeSantagato) March 20, 2015

 First I didn't realize this was a thing that needed to be made official. Is it just pizza? If I drink a beer three days in a row, am I supposed to make that official too? Does it vary by jurisdiction?

Second, pizza three days in a row is nothing to be ashamed of. Take pride in your diet... though I might recommend some moderate physical activity just in case.

Marrying Chipotle

Yup. Marrying @ChipotleTweets. It's official. Wedding details ~ TBA
— A N D Y (@YourBudAndy) March 22, 2015

This is the logical conclusion of corporate personhood. We wish Andy and ChipotleTweets a long and happy marriage and assuming Andy isn't independently wealthy, we also hope ChipotleTweets got an iron clad prenuptial agreement.

Baby Shower

I'm officially that person who gets invited to a baby shower and is like "IT'S MY JOB TO PROVIDE THE CHILD WITH GENDER NEUTRAL CLOTHING"
— Jaya Saxena (@jayasax) March 20, 2015

That is an oddly specific thing to make official. Were there others clamoring for that title and Jaya was able to win some sort of Survivor type bloodsport to claim this responsibility. Was it sought after or maybe Jaya lost whatever competition was and wants to buy cute clothes for little boys or girls but is forbidden from doing so?

Panic Mode

I'm officially in panic mode #procrastination
— Caitlin (@CaitlinWithAC1) March 18, 2015

Congrats to Caitlin. I, for one, would not have thought to join a Depeche Mode cover band named Panic Mode and then release an album entitled Procrastination, but that's why I'm a lowly blogger and Caitlin here is following her dreams of covering every Depeche Mode song ever. Her years of hard work and dedication to singing and/or instrument playing have paid off by being able to join a cover band. Kudos to you Caitlin.

Dumbest person ever

I'm officially the dumbest person ever sometimes.. 😂😂😂😂😂
— Nick Singleton (@singletonnick41) March 18, 2015

And here I thought that was my title. Also, this is good news for everyone who thinks they're dumb. They're not the dumbest. Granted, that is a low bar, but still. It's better than being last.

German Verb Conjugation Exercises

I'm officially addicted to German verb conjugation exercises.
— Isaac Diaz (@ikeonisms) March 18, 2015

I don't often say this, but dude, get help. Seriously, this seems like it could lead to a lifetime of issues. We're not here to judge your hobby. If conjugating German verbs is your thing, go for it with gusto. But being addicted to such behavior is something that should require the assistance of a trained mental health professional.

That said, is there a way to make schadenfreude into a verb? Because that would be cool.

A Homeowner

I'm officially a home owner!!! Getting carpet measurements tonight! Yeaaaa buddy. Hard work does pay off!
— Laurie Elizabeth (@Laurielizz) March 10, 2015

Having not had the experience, I'm guessing you're not officially a homeowner until you've made your last mortgage payment. For now, you're just living in the home and making payments to the bank.

Also, getting carpet measurements isn't exactly hard work. Not sure how that relates to home ownership, but I'm not officially a home owner, so maybe it's part of the club once you reach that status.

Gannon University

I'm am beyond excited to announce that I have officially committed to Gannon University to play basketball. 🏀🏀 pic.twitter.com/qIPXN0WDrA
— kelsey herbert (@kelseyherbert13) March 14, 2015

I tend to stay away from official declarations of choosing an institution of higher learning to attend, but this one caught my eye for two reasons. First, as a college sports fan, I've heard of a lot of schools, even the smaller ones. But I've never heard of Gannon University. (Per Wikipedia: Gannon University is a private, co-educational Catholic university located in Erie, Pennsylvania, offering associate's, bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees and certificates. Gannon University has an alumni base numbering around 31,500)

But more importantly, how awesome is that logo for Gannon University? It's, you could say, officially awesome.

House of Cards

Ok so I'm officially addicted to #HouseOfCards @HouseofCards @KevinSpacey
— Dynamo (@Dynamomagician) March 15, 2015

 My hope is that this person gets addicted to House next so he can find the treatment for his addiction.

Don't get me wrong, House of Cards is a critically acclaimed show. I started it, but it never fully captured my interest, but I'm willing to give it another shot one day soon. But I'm sure you can enjoy the show just as much without the debilitating nature of addiction. When this guy finishes the show, it's going to be a tough detox.

McDonald's Monopoly

It's official MCDONALDS MONOPOLY HAS STARTED
— CaptainGregor (@gregor_evansx) March 18, 2015

First, stop shouting at me.

Second, dude, no matter what you can possibly win from McDonald's Monopoly is far outweighed by the fact you have to eat at McDonald's to play.

Finally, we can all agree that Monopoly sucks, right? I mean, as a game, it's not all that fun to play. There are so many better games out there that you and your family can play. Go find one of those before playing either Monopoly or McDonald's Monopoly.

Going to bed

Ok I'm officially going to bed 😇 goodnight! Hope you had fun.
— Joseph Hernandez (@josephcaptures) March 10, 2015

This may be why people don't get twitter. There's no need get some kind of legal document to go to bed. (there's not is there? If there is, I can assure you law enforcement members who are reading this that I have all the documentation stored safely away for seven years as is (presumably) required.) You just go to bed. It's like the Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene where they're reading the carvings on the rock in the Castle Aaargh. You wouldn't carve the word "Aaargh" you'd just say it. 

Officially Ugly

Yup I'm officially ugly.
— Caleb Mansfield (@caleb721) March 11, 2015

Come on dude. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have insecurities that make us feel badly about ourselves.

Also, is there an agency or some sort of standards and practices board that makes these determinations? Seems like a thankless job. Odds are people who are pretty already know they're pretty, even if they, too, have things about themselves they don't like and wouldn't need the external reinforcement to validate themselves. Meanwhile, people who are not pretty also probably are aware of this and don't need to have it reinforced by someone else judging them.

Texas forgot how to Texas

It's official. Texas has forgotten how to Texas.
— Connor Little (@CLittle32) March 5, 2015

Did Texas mess with Texas and as a result forget how to Texas?

More importantly, the idea of taking a state name and making it a verb is dumb. At best, Texas can be an adjective, but primarily when referring to toast. "To Texas" is not a thing. Stop trying to make it a thing.

It's not official

if you didn't hear it from me, it's not official
— ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (@sadlycorrupt) March 10, 2015

Guys, I think this person has made my blog obsolete. I mean, none of the other things made official have come from @sadlycurrupt, so does that mean nothing is official. Is my wedding now invalid? Do I not owe taxes anymore? Is it really not peanut butter jelly time? 

Naming a Giraffe

just incase you aren't having the best day - here's a really cute baby giraffe that i'm officially naming tom pic.twitter.com/CYuyTBnKjQ
— Lauren ☀️ (@laurnicolee) March 2, 2015

Usually zoos have contests and engage the community when it comes to naming baby animals. But I may be presumptuous in assuming this is a baby giraffe in a zoo and not someone's personal pet named Tom. Either way, glad to know Tom has a name. 

A horned frog

I'm officially a HORNED FROG 💜🐸
— gabs (@GabbyHahaa) March 3, 2015

I'm officially a human. But the fact that horned frogs are now tweeting makes me question the whole superiority of human beings now. 

The Beach

Ok I'm officially ready for summer and beach
— Cole LaBrant (@Thesupercole) March 4, 2015

Isn't the bigger question why you weren't officially ready for summer and the beach? It's like saying you're officially ready for ice cream or donuts. There's never a bad time for any of those things and you should always be ready.

It's like saying "The earth is officially revolving around the sun." There's no need to say it as we all know and agree to it. That said, I totally understand people who have been buried in snow all winter desperately wanting something resembling warm weather. I, meanwhile, enjoyed 80+ degree temperatures for a few days last week, so maybe I'm not quite so anxious for summer.

Bored

Okay, I'm officially bored. Someone give me something to do.
— Ellen James (@EllenLemonMelon) February 27, 2015

Ok I've ran out of thing or keep me occupied.. I'm officially bored now!!!
— Amyy (@bug101686) February 27, 2015

We have a meager but growing archive of blog posts here at The Official Official. Please feel free to peruse them at your leisure to alleviate the boredom you currently feel. Hopefully as this blog was posted more than a week after your tweet you have found a way to cure your boredom, perhaps in a constructive way such as learning a language or volunteering with someone less fortunate than you or by complaining on the internet that you can't find anything to interest you.

Also, YOU'RE ON THE INTERNET. There is boundless information about practically anything you have a passing interest in. If you have the internet and you're bored, it's not because you don't have anything to do, it's because you have a lack of curiosity about the world around you.

We would, however, appreciate a copy of the official notification you received for being bored for our records. Such documentation will be invaluable to our archives

Thinks I'm insane

So this guy in my apartment complex officially thinks I'm insane
— Hannah Lee (@hannah_lee_e) February 26, 2015

Let's get this out of the way first. We have no way of knowing if Hannah here is insane. She may be, she may not be. Not having access to her medical records and laws preventing medical professionals from giving out information to strangers calling about someone's mental health mean we have no way to validate this guy in her apartment's view.

That being said, we're now at a point in our society where we give out official notifications for thoughts. I'm not sure I want certificates for all my thoughts. In fact, I'm pretty sure you wall would think I'm the worst person in the world if you had access to what I was thinking. I certainly don't want my thoughts recognized in some sort of commemorative way. But I'm just one person. I can't change society all on my own, so we're stuck with some of our thoughts receiving official status.

Never to early for Pizza

I want to make a change in this world! I'm officially starting the "It's never to early for Pizza" movement #whenever pic.twitter.com/12EXLQEIr3
— Adam Dulle (@SpicyAdam07) February 25, 2015

For the second consecutive Wednesday, we're talking pizza. And it's nice to know someone has finally started this movement in some kind of official way. For too long those of us who have believe it's never to early for pizza have been forced underground into our own secretive meetings for fear of being found out by "Big Breakfast." But now, thanks to Adam here, we have a leader in the movement.

Presumably he's filed whatever paperwork is necessary to be a lobbyist in Washington, DC as well as the various state capitals. He doesn't say if this is an international effort, but one can only assume he or someone on his robust staff will be at the United Nations as well as have representatives at the European Union, and the G-20 summits.

This is huge and I hope you get on board with the movement.

Officially 10 Again

My mom won't let me drive myself. Lol I'm officially 10 again!!!!!!
— maddie webb (@spideeyy) February 25, 2015

This is huge. Like, I don't know why I waited almost a week to write about it. Maddie Webb has discovered time travel. She's gone from apparently the legal age to drive in her jurisdiction back to being 10 years old. Even assuming she's only gone back six years, think of the advantages. She's going to totally rock 4th grade again. Those English tests she thought were so hard are going to be a breeze now. Those awkward middle school years will be less stressful with the knowledge that she's gained since being in High School for a year or two.

Now what we don't know is if she went back in time or that her body has simply reversed the aging process and somehow become 10 again. If she went back in time, there's all kinds of questions that are conveniently not addressed the the documentary "Back to the Future." If she's reversed the aging process, we need to know if this is a one time thing or can she keep doing this. Can she live Rod Stewart's dream of being Forever Young?

Finally, I have a son who isn't 10 yet, so am I supposed to recognize that birthday with a formal ceremony to make it official?

I'm a bore

Have such a hard time keeping conversations going lately.. I'm officially a bore.. Bleeh
— mis·an·thrope (@Lineo__) February 25, 2015

 We here at the Official Official blog are nothing if not helpful. (We're also a time waster and take things far more seriously than they need to be taken, but we're also helpful.) As such, we've come up with some ways for @lineo__ to continue conversations.

When you get to a point in the conversation where you don't know what else to say, try the following:

• That's interesting, tell me more.
• Speaking of (whatever was being discussed), what did you think of last weeks Bachelor?
• I never knew that. You know what else I didn't know until recently, those little things on the end of your shoelaces are called aglets.
• I'm bored with how this conversation is going, let's talk about me.
• Uggh, I hate that. You know what else I hate, the (insert ethnic, racial or religious group)*
• You know, I think this conversation has been very beneficial. I've learned a lot from it and now feel like I'm a better person able to go about my day with a new-found zeal for life and will take what I've learned here, incorporate it in to my life and make the changes necessary to have the life I want, one of happiness, joy and of helping others. I would never have guessed talking about the best place to  buy banana bread would change my life so much.**

*Only do this if you're a racist or a bigot. Also, if you're a racist or a bigot, please reevaluate your life choices.

**Only applies to Banana Bread discussions.