7 Months 5 Days single

I'm officially 7 month 5 days single ^^

— ♔ xyra ♔ (@_xyyra) May 8, 2015

This seems like an oddly specific thing to make official. We didn't go back and look, but I cant' imagine Xyra has done this every day on her account. Why would she? But then, why would she choose seven months, five days to make it official? 

Slowest Eater Ever

I'm officially the slowest eater ever 😳

— C WILL (@ColeWilliams_12) May 5, 2015

This might actually be a thing. I mean, they have the hot dog eating contest every year and there are speed eating competitions all over the place. So if there's a fastest, there must also be a slowest. And Cole here is, indeed, that person.

He may never reach the fame and stardom that Joey Chestnut has achieved, but don't let that get you down Cole. You are a record holder. I mean, no one would lie about this, would they?

A super model

I'm officially a super model.... Okay hand model but I feel super to get a paycheck so....

— Jordan Laesch (@JLaesch) May 5, 2015

Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. Please aspire to something higher than George Constanza's dream. Having said that, Jordan, here is going to be in high demand as anyone he dates can now say they're dating a super model. 

Team iPhone

So I’m officially #teamiphone. Let’s see how this goes lol

— Samantha Reine (@CuzImAReinegade) May 5, 2015

My wife has an iPhone. I have an Android. Neither of us received any sort of official documentation for our purchase, other than a receipt and a monthly bill. No certificates. No invites to team functions. Nothing. Just a phone.

I'm betting this goes like any other purchase in that you rationalize the decision to make it seem like you made the best decision. Not just you, Samantha. We all do this. Whether it's phones or cars or where to eat dinner, we all justify our decisions to put ourselves in the best possible light in our own minds. But don't worry, it's just a phone. If you don't like it, you can always get a different one soon.

And if there are team gatherings and parties, please let my wife know.

Over Fake Internet Outrage

I'm officially over fake internet outrage. No more reading of comments on anything. People are complete idiots.

— Jerry Kern (@jerrykern5) May 5, 2015

Seriously, don't read the comments. 

Officiall a senior

Guys I'm officially a senior in college. Where does time go?

— Caitlin (@paynekxllers) May 5, 2015

First off, congratulations Caitlin. You're a senior, that's awesome, keep up the good work.

Now that you're a senior, we can now tell you the secret. Time goes forward. Second by second, minute by minute, day by day, it goes forward at the speed of life.

But you asked where it went?  If we remember Einstein's theory correctly, if you can travel the speed of light, time would essentially stop. But, presumably, you're not traveling the speed of light. So time, for us, simply goes by. Somewhere into the fabric of the universe. The actions we take simply vanish into the cosmos. Much like the actions of all those who have gone before us.

If it's not too late, we recommend a philosophy course during your senior year so you can learn about this and other important life questions.

Just left the DMV

Just left the DMV 😎 I'm officially 23 😝

— Z (@__Zaee) May 1, 2015

Since when is the DMV the official arbiter of  age? We've always kind of taken for granted that the earth's journey around the sun is what made someone officially an age. Z, here, for example, would be 23 because he's been on the planet for 23 trips around the sun. I'm not sure what the Department of Motor Vehicles has to do with this.

We're going to be like Lewis Black now, when he overheard "if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" and not be able to understand the connection between the two. Thanks, Z, for never letting us get a good night's sleep again

The Weird girl at the library

oh jesus now I'm officially that weird girl at the library who actually looks at the books 👀

— ❁Felicia (@FeliciaMercury) May 1, 2015

Come on Felicia. Libraries are wonderful repositories of pages and pages of human knowledge and creativity collected in one location for the intellectually curious to gather and learn.  Centuries ago people yearned for such an extensive collection of information in one place. A place where one could go to learn more about astronomy or history or baseball or cooking. A place where one could read of the adventures of Huckleberry Finn or see if Captain Ahab gets his white whale.

So don't think of your self as "that weird girl" who looks at books at the library. You're among the knowledge seekers hoping to learn more about this amazing world we live in.

Can No Longer Spell

I officially can no longer spell

— Jeff Ma (@jeffma) May 6, 2015

We're scared to make any jokes here. Jeff Ma, if you don't know,  was the inspiration for the book Bringing Down the House and the movie 21 about the MIT Blackjack Team. He's currently a "predictive analytics expert" working at ESPN and has been on the ESPN Fantasy Baseball podcast I listen to. Basically, Ma is the most intelligent person yet who we've come across making something official that really has no business being official.

Despite his proclamation, he did manage to get all six words correct in this tweet.

On Summer Vacation

I'm officially on summer vacation
— #AllHailHawaii (@madeinHAWAII_) April 29, 2015

Behold, a time traveler. Summer doesn't start until June 21 (using the Gregorian Calendar that seems standard across the world), yet @madeinHAWAII is already officially on summer vacation. We hope you'll tell us what the future is like and use your time traveling abilities for good and not evil.

Single Digits Till 21

We are officially in single digits till 21, this is not a drill. I repeat single digit days away till I'm 21, this is not a drill!!!
— Shane Carmody (@moose_carmody) April 29, 2015

What, exactly, would a drill for a person being single digits till 21? When we had friends who were single digits away from turning 21, you know what we did? We went about our day? We went to class, we studied, we hung out and we did what normal people do when there's a day that isn't special.

Is that what we're supposed to be doing now? 

I mean, we guess it's a little late to start practicing going about my day normally as clearly the time for drills has passed. We'll just wing it and keep doing what we normally do and hope it's right.

(Happy Birthday Shane)

Not a Moron

I'm officially not a moron! Hope it doesn't get bent pic.twitter.com/bIK4IZHMKJ
— Josh Blakley (@JoshBlakley21) April 24, 2015

Kudos, I guess, Josh. I mean, congrats on your diploma, that's awesome and all.  And we're glad you're not a moron, though we here at the Official Official blog don't believe getting a diploma makes you not a moron. A diploma simply shows that you've completed the necessary coursework to earn a degree from a what I assume to be accredited institution. The knowledge and skills you've gained through those courses is what truly makes you not a moron.

Done giving an effort

It's 9:55 AM and I'm officially done giving an effort to do work today
— bay ☪ (@BayleeBassett) April 24, 2015

Seems like the process of making it official is more trouble than it's worth.

Also, impressive that she made it to 9:55. There are days I don't make it past turning on my computer before I'm done giving effort for the day, but I don't out and make it official. I just scroll down twitter looking for things to poke gentle fun at on a poorly read blog. I hope Baylee found something to keep her occupied the rest of the day.

Officially Dead

2 1/2 hour practice ... I'm officially dead😶
— Jamie (@JamieCorrea26) April 16, 2015

 Brother Maynard, I'll let you handle this.

Taken

Well, guess I'm officially taken now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— Angela (@angela_vw) April 16, 2015

I saw previews for a documentary about this in which a girl is taken by sex slavers and a former government operative must rescue his daughter before she's sold. It seemed dark and gritty and not the kind of thing that would lead someone to use the  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ symbol in a tweet.

Also, I feel like if you were abducted, you wouldn't need to make it official on twitter. Then again, it might help expedite the police search and rescue efforts.

Or, and this is a possibility, Angela here is taken in the relationship sense and is off the market, so to speak, in which case all the single guys hoping to date her appreciate her making it official.

Banned from all P&O ferries

I'm officially banned from all P&O ferries. For pointing out that the live entertainment had started. All I shouted was "A band on ship"
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) April 22, 2015

That's a long way to go for a not terrible joke. Not great, mind you, but certainly not as bad as some I've made. 

Mostly I point this out to say that we're not the only one making bad jokes on the internet, so we appreciate you spending part of your day with us with so many other poor humor options available to you.

Two things

Now that the cat's out of the bag.. Yes, I'm officially transferring & moving out of Chattanooga. 👏🙌
— Adrienneeeee (@withlove_316) April 24, 2015

These are two very different things. First off, good luck wherever you're transferring to and at your new abode somewhere other than Chattanooga (which is considered by many to be the third most famous city in Tennessee.)

More importantly, why were you keeping a cat in a bag and only now letting it out. That seems unnecessarily cruel. I mean, I'm glad the cat is out and presumably safe, but if cats had therapists this cat would need a lot of mental help. 

Disbanded an engineering project team

my engineering project team was so bad our teacher officially disbanded us I'm laughing
— Frat Cat (@pbjmeow) April 16, 2015

I hope Frat Cat and his team continue to meet on an unofficial basis. Who is this teacher that thinks he or she can simply disband a group of students? Fight the power Frat Cat. 

Also, I hope you got placed on a better team and you did well in the class.

Going to Syracuse

its officially official :p I'm going to Syracuse this fall :D
— Jacqui Amanda (@o0hjacqui) April 16, 2015

Is word getting out about this blog and now people are making things "officially official" in hopes of getting featured on a blog with really poor traffic? If so, good new Jacqui, as your plan worked. Though why you would wait until the fall to visit Syracuse, Sicily, which we all know was described by Cicero as "the greatest Greek city and the most beautiful of them all."

Officially an adult

I'm officially an adult, had blood drawn for the first time today guys
— Nicole Shaw⚓️ (@NicoleHaley13) April 16, 2015

There seem like a lot of things that people use to make themselves officially an adult. Having blood drawn doesn't seem like the milestone to mark adulthood though. Your first place on your own or graduation from high school, those seem like markers for adulthood.

Nevertheless, Nicole is now officially an adult. No one let her know that it's much more fun being a kid.

Officially a Bull

I'm officially a Bull 💚🐂💚 #USF19
— Victoria Pisani (@vpisani35) April 8, 2015

If you didn't know USF was the University of South Florida and their mascot was the Bulls, this tweet would make no sense. Now that you do know that, the fact that a woman is claiming to be an animal that is, by definition, male means this tweet still makes no sense.

All that said, good luck Victoria at USF.

Officially Awake

Okay hi yeah I'm officially awake
— kayla (@xlegithayesx) April 10, 2015

We all are, Kayla, we just don't make it official.

Can you be unofficially awake? We here at the Official Official blog feel that awake is one of those things where you are or you aren't. There's no middle ground. There's no official certification needed.

All that said, we're ready to go back to bed and be officially asleep.

Gotten my life together

I'm actually wearing matching socks today...so I think it's safe to say I've officially gotten my life together 💁
— Lauren Leep (@Lauren_Leep) April 10, 2015

 Looks down at my feet.

*sigh*

Maybe tomorrow is the day I officially get my life together. I feel like my life is pretty well together, but I've never made it official. Maybe someday.

Officially Corey

I'm officially "Corey". Starbucks has given up.
— Orey Wilson (@OreyOreyOrey) April 10, 2015

Come on Starbucks, get it together. A person's name has meaning to them. Continuing to get it wrong simply shows you don't value the person enough to address them correctly. If this was once, or maybe even twice, I'm betting Orey here would be ok with it. Mistakes happen and judging him completely by this one tweet, Orey here seems like a decent person. But Starbucks' continual disrespect of Orey and Orey's name is enough. I'm boycotting Starbucks until they start getting Orey's name correct.

Full disclosure: I don't drink coffee and I've never ordered anything at a Starbucks.

Not meeting Shawn

So I'm officially not meeting Shawn......
— gabriella (@camftdrake) April 10, 2015

Shawn who?  Shawn Michaels the wrestler. Shawn Johnson, the gymnast? Shawn Ray, the bodybuilder? Shawn Stockman, the Boyz II Men singer? Shawn Spencer, the fictional psychic detective from the beloved television series Psych played by James Roday?

Come on Gabriella, we need to know.

Officially my dad

I'm officially my dad, I fell asleep in the movies.
— Kandee Johnson (@kandeejohnson) April 6, 2015

Big deal. Ray Stevens is his own grandpa. 

On the other end of the spectrum, Kandee might be my kid in that my son also falls asleep at the movies. Or, and not knowing what was seen, maybe it was just a boring movie and sleep was the appropriate response. Just because it's a movie doesn't mean it deserves your attention. I'm here to say that sleeping through a movie is not necessarily a bad thing.

Officially Sick

I'm officially sick!😔
— Bsia⚓ (@bsia_cakes) April 10, 2015

This one I get. Doctors notes for missing school and work make being sick something to be made official. That said, how little trust do we have as a society that we need a doctor's note excusing us from school or work. Fortunately I've never worked at a place that required such documentation, but have read of others who needed a note from a medical professional to miss work. If you don't trust your employees enough to stay home when they're sick, you either need better employees or, more likely, to look at yourself and figure out why you have trust issues. I'd much rather someone stay home when they're not feeling well then come to work sick and get everyone else ill. Even if it's not enough to warrant a visit to the doctor, stay home and keep your germs away from me.

Anyway, hope you're feeling better Bsia. 

Wedding Dress

I want to make an official announcement. I just bought my wedding dress and it's so 😍😍😍
— Juvia ❤ (@ladyy_Virgo) April 1, 2015

We're excited for Juvia. Weddings are happy occasions, not times to bicker and argue about who killed who. (If you didn't get that joke, please go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.).

That said, we're fairly sure an announcement that wasn't official would have sufficed here. In fact, we don't even know the difference between an announcement and an official announcement. Does one come with a ceremony and perhaps a reception afterwards with an open bar? If so, we're in favor of official announcements. If not, we'll settle for just regular, plain announcements.

Avoided Teen Pregnancy

I'm 20 today, which means I've officially avoided teen pregnancy! #success
— Gabriela Koski (@gabiekoski) April 1, 2015

This made us laugh. Congrats, I guess, to Gabriela and thanks for making it official. 

So Bored

I'm officially so bored
— beth (@quiffcrew) April 1, 2015

We covered this back in March, but it needs repeating. If you're on the internet and you're bored, that's a lack of imagination or curiosity on your part. There is nearly endless information on any topic you can think of. There are games to play. You can order food and have it delivered to your home if you're one of those people who eat when they're bored.

Being that you're bored and on Twitter, might I suggest finding more interesting people to follow (for the record, we're not those people as we're not that interesting.)

Performance Major

It's officially official. I'm going to be a performance major at UH! I'm so excited and blessed to be able to do what I love. #UH19 #GoCoogs
— Zach (@zachattack210) March 25, 2015

We like Zach here. Not only is it official. It's officially official. In fact, we're making Zach the Official performance artist of The Official "Official" blog. Good luck Zach.

Running a Marathon

I have officially signed up for a marathon. I am literally only running it because I want to run 26.2 miles when I'm 26.2 years old. 💁
— Ashly Perez (@itsashlyperez) March 28, 2015

We like to poke fun at people making everyday events official when there's no need  to do so, but this is kind of cool. Good luck Ashly. And we wish you luck as well when you sign up for a 50-mile ultra marathon for your 50th birthday.

I'm Old

It's official I'm old😭
— Dawin Vega (@Dawin305) March 24, 2015

Not old enough to use punctuation marks apparently. Look, I've been known to skip out on a period here and there on twitter to fit in under the 140 character limit, but Dawin here used 22 characters. There's 118 left, more than enough for a period or comma.

Come back when you're complaining about kids' punctuation usage, Dawin, then you can officially claim to be old.

Meet the New Boss

Aaaaaand it's official. My old boss is my new boss, we're getting another person to help spread the workload, everything is awesome. :D
— Gumball Crash (@GumballCrash) March 24, 2015

Someone is actually living The Who song Won't Get Fooled Again." That's an impressive accomplishment.

And if that wasn't enough of an earworm, Gumball Crash got the "Everything is Awesome" song from the Lego Movie stuck in my head. I'll let those two compete for space inside your brain.

Senior Skip Day

SENIOR SKIP DAY FRIDAY. IT'S OFFICIAL.
— Aquaberry Pimp (@DGary_3) March 24, 2015

Oh, the bingo parlors will be empty. Community centers will not be the centers of communities. Park benches will remain unsat upon. The senior citizens will be skipping their normal activities.

Or, assuming this is for high school, who exactly made it official. I'm not sure the local school board would be reelected if they sanction skipping school and I don't think the students have the authority to declare it so.

Finally, I hope Aquaberry Pimp had fun on skip day, and I really just wrote that because never in my life did I think I'd get to publish a sentence using the words "Aquaberry Pimp."

Pizza

So it's official, I've had pizza three days in a row. I'm not sure if this is a new low or a new high..
— Joe Santagato (@JoeSantagato) March 20, 2015

 First I didn't realize this was a thing that needed to be made official. Is it just pizza? If I drink a beer three days in a row, am I supposed to make that official too? Does it vary by jurisdiction?

Second, pizza three days in a row is nothing to be ashamed of. Take pride in your diet... though I might recommend some moderate physical activity just in case.

Marrying Chipotle

Yup. Marrying @ChipotleTweets. It's official. Wedding details ~ TBA
— A N D Y (@YourBudAndy) March 22, 2015

This is the logical conclusion of corporate personhood. We wish Andy and ChipotleTweets a long and happy marriage and assuming Andy isn't independently wealthy, we also hope ChipotleTweets got an iron clad prenuptial agreement.

Baby Shower

I'm officially that person who gets invited to a baby shower and is like "IT'S MY JOB TO PROVIDE THE CHILD WITH GENDER NEUTRAL CLOTHING"
— Jaya Saxena (@jayasax) March 20, 2015

That is an oddly specific thing to make official. Were there others clamoring for that title and Jaya was able to win some sort of Survivor type bloodsport to claim this responsibility. Was it sought after or maybe Jaya lost whatever competition was and wants to buy cute clothes for little boys or girls but is forbidden from doing so?

Panic Mode

I'm officially in panic mode #procrastination
— Caitlin (@CaitlinWithAC1) March 18, 2015

Congrats to Caitlin. I, for one, would not have thought to join a Depeche Mode cover band named Panic Mode and then release an album entitled Procrastination, but that's why I'm a lowly blogger and Caitlin here is following her dreams of covering every Depeche Mode song ever. Her years of hard work and dedication to singing and/or instrument playing have paid off by being able to join a cover band. Kudos to you Caitlin.

Dumbest person ever

I'm officially the dumbest person ever sometimes.. 😂😂😂😂😂
— Nick Singleton (@singletonnick41) March 18, 2015

And here I thought that was my title. Also, this is good news for everyone who thinks they're dumb. They're not the dumbest. Granted, that is a low bar, but still. It's better than being last.

German Verb Conjugation Exercises

I'm officially addicted to German verb conjugation exercises.
— Isaac Diaz (@ikeonisms) March 18, 2015

I don't often say this, but dude, get help. Seriously, this seems like it could lead to a lifetime of issues. We're not here to judge your hobby. If conjugating German verbs is your thing, go for it with gusto. But being addicted to such behavior is something that should require the assistance of a trained mental health professional.

That said, is there a way to make schadenfreude into a verb? Because that would be cool.

A Homeowner

I'm officially a home owner!!! Getting carpet measurements tonight! Yeaaaa buddy. Hard work does pay off!
— Laurie Elizabeth (@Laurielizz) March 10, 2015

Having not had the experience, I'm guessing you're not officially a homeowner until you've made your last mortgage payment. For now, you're just living in the home and making payments to the bank.

Also, getting carpet measurements isn't exactly hard work. Not sure how that relates to home ownership, but I'm not officially a home owner, so maybe it's part of the club once you reach that status.

Gannon University

I'm am beyond excited to announce that I have officially committed to Gannon University to play basketball. 🏀🏀 pic.twitter.com/qIPXN0WDrA
— kelsey herbert (@kelseyherbert13) March 14, 2015

I tend to stay away from official declarations of choosing an institution of higher learning to attend, but this one caught my eye for two reasons. First, as a college sports fan, I've heard of a lot of schools, even the smaller ones. But I've never heard of Gannon University. (Per Wikipedia: Gannon University is a private, co-educational Catholic university located in Erie, Pennsylvania, offering associate's, bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees and certificates. Gannon University has an alumni base numbering around 31,500)

But more importantly, how awesome is that logo for Gannon University? It's, you could say, officially awesome.

House of Cards

Ok so I'm officially addicted to #HouseOfCards @HouseofCards @KevinSpacey
— Dynamo (@Dynamomagician) March 15, 2015

 My hope is that this person gets addicted to House next so he can find the treatment for his addiction.

Don't get me wrong, House of Cards is a critically acclaimed show. I started it, but it never fully captured my interest, but I'm willing to give it another shot one day soon. But I'm sure you can enjoy the show just as much without the debilitating nature of addiction. When this guy finishes the show, it's going to be a tough detox.

McDonald's Monopoly

It's official MCDONALDS MONOPOLY HAS STARTED
— CaptainGregor (@gregor_evansx) March 18, 2015

First, stop shouting at me.

Second, dude, no matter what you can possibly win from McDonald's Monopoly is far outweighed by the fact you have to eat at McDonald's to play.

Finally, we can all agree that Monopoly sucks, right? I mean, as a game, it's not all that fun to play. There are so many better games out there that you and your family can play. Go find one of those before playing either Monopoly or McDonald's Monopoly.

Going to bed

Ok I'm officially going to bed 😇 goodnight! Hope you had fun.
— Joseph Hernandez (@josephcaptures) March 10, 2015

This may be why people don't get twitter. There's no need get some kind of legal document to go to bed. (there's not is there? If there is, I can assure you law enforcement members who are reading this that I have all the documentation stored safely away for seven years as is (presumably) required.) You just go to bed. It's like the Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene where they're reading the carvings on the rock in the Castle Aaargh. You wouldn't carve the word "Aaargh" you'd just say it. 

Officially Ugly

Yup I'm officially ugly.
— Caleb Mansfield (@caleb721) March 11, 2015

Come on dude. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have insecurities that make us feel badly about ourselves.

Also, is there an agency or some sort of standards and practices board that makes these determinations? Seems like a thankless job. Odds are people who are pretty already know they're pretty, even if they, too, have things about themselves they don't like and wouldn't need the external reinforcement to validate themselves. Meanwhile, people who are not pretty also probably are aware of this and don't need to have it reinforced by someone else judging them.

Texas forgot how to Texas

It's official. Texas has forgotten how to Texas.
— Connor Little (@CLittle32) March 5, 2015

Did Texas mess with Texas and as a result forget how to Texas?

More importantly, the idea of taking a state name and making it a verb is dumb. At best, Texas can be an adjective, but primarily when referring to toast. "To Texas" is not a thing. Stop trying to make it a thing.

It's not official

if you didn't hear it from me, it's not official
— ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (@sadlycorrupt) March 10, 2015

Guys, I think this person has made my blog obsolete. I mean, none of the other things made official have come from @sadlycurrupt, so does that mean nothing is official. Is my wedding now invalid? Do I not owe taxes anymore? Is it really not peanut butter jelly time? 

Naming a Giraffe

just incase you aren't having the best day - here's a really cute baby giraffe that i'm officially naming tom pic.twitter.com/CYuyTBnKjQ
— Lauren ☀️ (@laurnicolee) March 2, 2015

Usually zoos have contests and engage the community when it comes to naming baby animals. But I may be presumptuous in assuming this is a baby giraffe in a zoo and not someone's personal pet named Tom. Either way, glad to know Tom has a name. 

A horned frog

I'm officially a HORNED FROG 💜🐸
— gabs (@GabbyHahaa) March 3, 2015

I'm officially a human. But the fact that horned frogs are now tweeting makes me question the whole superiority of human beings now. 

The Beach

Ok I'm officially ready for summer and beach
— Cole LaBrant (@Thesupercole) March 4, 2015

Isn't the bigger question why you weren't officially ready for summer and the beach? It's like saying you're officially ready for ice cream or donuts. There's never a bad time for any of those things and you should always be ready.

It's like saying "The earth is officially revolving around the sun." There's no need to say it as we all know and agree to it. That said, I totally understand people who have been buried in snow all winter desperately wanting something resembling warm weather. I, meanwhile, enjoyed 80+ degree temperatures for a few days last week, so maybe I'm not quite so anxious for summer.

Bored

Okay, I'm officially bored. Someone give me something to do.
— Ellen James (@EllenLemonMelon) February 27, 2015

Ok I've ran out of thing or keep me occupied.. I'm officially bored now!!!
— Amyy (@bug101686) February 27, 2015

We have a meager but growing archive of blog posts here at The Official Official. Please feel free to peruse them at your leisure to alleviate the boredom you currently feel. Hopefully as this blog was posted more than a week after your tweet you have found a way to cure your boredom, perhaps in a constructive way such as learning a language or volunteering with someone less fortunate than you or by complaining on the internet that you can't find anything to interest you.

Also, YOU'RE ON THE INTERNET. There is boundless information about practically anything you have a passing interest in. If you have the internet and you're bored, it's not because you don't have anything to do, it's because you have a lack of curiosity about the world around you.

We would, however, appreciate a copy of the official notification you received for being bored for our records. Such documentation will be invaluable to our archives

Thinks I'm insane

So this guy in my apartment complex officially thinks I'm insane
— Hannah Lee (@hannah_lee_e) February 26, 2015

Let's get this out of the way first. We have no way of knowing if Hannah here is insane. She may be, she may not be. Not having access to her medical records and laws preventing medical professionals from giving out information to strangers calling about someone's mental health mean we have no way to validate this guy in her apartment's view.

That being said, we're now at a point in our society where we give out official notifications for thoughts. I'm not sure I want certificates for all my thoughts. In fact, I'm pretty sure you wall would think I'm the worst person in the world if you had access to what I was thinking. I certainly don't want my thoughts recognized in some sort of commemorative way. But I'm just one person. I can't change society all on my own, so we're stuck with some of our thoughts receiving official status.

Never to early for Pizza

I want to make a change in this world! I'm officially starting the "It's never to early for Pizza" movement #whenever pic.twitter.com/12EXLQEIr3
— Adam Dulle (@SpicyAdam07) February 25, 2015

For the second consecutive Wednesday, we're talking pizza. And it's nice to know someone has finally started this movement in some kind of official way. For too long those of us who have believe it's never to early for pizza have been forced underground into our own secretive meetings for fear of being found out by "Big Breakfast." But now, thanks to Adam here, we have a leader in the movement.

Presumably he's filed whatever paperwork is necessary to be a lobbyist in Washington, DC as well as the various state capitals. He doesn't say if this is an international effort, but one can only assume he or someone on his robust staff will be at the United Nations as well as have representatives at the European Union, and the G-20 summits.

This is huge and I hope you get on board with the movement.

Officially 10 Again

My mom won't let me drive myself. Lol I'm officially 10 again!!!!!!
— maddie webb (@spideeyy) February 25, 2015

This is huge. Like, I don't know why I waited almost a week to write about it. Maddie Webb has discovered time travel. She's gone from apparently the legal age to drive in her jurisdiction back to being 10 years old. Even assuming she's only gone back six years, think of the advantages. She's going to totally rock 4th grade again. Those English tests she thought were so hard are going to be a breeze now. Those awkward middle school years will be less stressful with the knowledge that she's gained since being in High School for a year or two.

Now what we don't know is if she went back in time or that her body has simply reversed the aging process and somehow become 10 again. If she went back in time, there's all kinds of questions that are conveniently not addressed the the documentary "Back to the Future." If she's reversed the aging process, we need to know if this is a one time thing or can she keep doing this. Can she live Rod Stewart's dream of being Forever Young?

Finally, I have a son who isn't 10 yet, so am I supposed to recognize that birthday with a formal ceremony to make it official?

I'm a bore

Have such a hard time keeping conversations going lately.. I'm officially a bore.. Bleeh
— mis·an·thrope (@Lineo__) February 25, 2015

 We here at the Official Official blog are nothing if not helpful. (We're also a time waster and take things far more seriously than they need to be taken, but we're also helpful.) As such, we've come up with some ways for @lineo__ to continue conversations.

When you get to a point in the conversation where you don't know what else to say, try the following:

• That's interesting, tell me more.
• Speaking of (whatever was being discussed), what did you think of last weeks Bachelor?
• I never knew that. You know what else I didn't know until recently, those little things on the end of your shoelaces are called aglets.
• I'm bored with how this conversation is going, let's talk about me.
• Uggh, I hate that. You know what else I hate, the (insert ethnic, racial or religious group)*
• You know, I think this conversation has been very beneficial. I've learned a lot from it and now feel like I'm a better person able to go about my day with a new-found zeal for life and will take what I've learned here, incorporate it in to my life and make the changes necessary to have the life I want, one of happiness, joy and of helping others. I would never have guessed talking about the best place to  buy banana bread would change my life so much.**

*Only do this if you're a racist or a bigot. Also, if you're a racist or a bigot, please reevaluate your life choices.

**Only applies to Banana Bread discussions.

Officially Old

I think I am officially an old now. I just texted my 14yo sister and asked her to explain a particular meme to me.
— Cristin Terrill (@cristinterrill) February 22, 2015

Psssst... Cristin. Should you ever come across this blog a couple quick hints to help you from having to do things that make you feel old. In fact, doing these could actually make you seem cool among your, apparently elderly, friends.


1. google.com It's a fantastic website. You just type in what you want to know and it provides all kinds of links to help you discover it.

2. If that's too complicated, knowyourmeme.com/ is a repository of all things internet memes to you. 

These will make your life easier.

That being said, being old isn't a bad thing. It beats the alternative.

Switching Majors

I think I've officially switched my major from nursing to binge watching friends and having existential crises
— Tyler Eads (@T_Eads) February 22, 2015

What kind of college offers this? I mean, I'm sure there may be a film school somewhere that may look at how Friends was structured and the changes in character development of the six New Yorkers over the decade the show was on the air. But to be able to major in that?

Nevertheless, we here at the Official Official Blog wish Tyler the best on his new academic goals. College should be about getting an education, not simply preparing oneself to be another cog in the machine of the economy. So if Tyler wants to take a deep dive in to Friends and Having Existential Crises during his time at school, rather than mock, we wish him well.

Pizza

I am officially married to pizza.
— sarah loves harry ♡ (@irwielaughter) February 21, 2015

Bad news potential suitors. She's decided to marry pizza.

Also, did I miss a decision where the Supreme Court made it legal to marry a Supreme Pizza?

Sorry, I'll show myself out.

Empire

Okay guys!! I'm officially caught up on #Empire & I'm addicted!

— IG=ToshaMakia (@TOSHAMAKIA) February 20, 2015

Empire, for those not acquianted with it, is drama on FOX about a music mogul who is diagnosed with a terminal disease and the family members who are fighting for control of the company. (In unrelated news, you're now unofficially caught up on Empire.) I actually haven't watched the show, but listened to a podcast about it but from the sounds of it, it has a soapy, Beverly Hills 90210 quality to it that could make it fun if you're in to that kind of show.

Unlike the old days (days my son will never truly understand), if you missed an episode of a show, you had to hope the "previously on Empire" clips before a new episode would be enough to catch you up until the network reran the episode. Now, with everything on demand, typically the next day, it's easy to be caught up and not really something that needs to be commemorated with an official declaration. Nevertheless, he we are, making things official.

Grandma has worms

I just chased my grandma down holding a huge worm and she actually ended up crying and now I'm officially the worst person in the world

— kaytee (@MacKaytee_) February 20, 2015

On Keith Olbermann's old MSNBC show, he would nightly countdown the worst person in the world. Typically it was a politician doing something either so egregious as to offend the consciousness of Olbermann or something so hypocritical that calling them out was was necessary. Not once do I recall him ever naming someone who chased down his or her grandmother with a worm and making her cry.

Perhaps he should have. While the image of someone chasing down their grandmother with a worm is kind of funny, if it's going to make her cry, it is kind of cruel. And while it doesn't rise to level of Boko Haram or ISIS for being the worst person in the world, it's not going on the positive side of the ledger of things this person has done.